Random thoughts
by RavenSapphire
Summary: There are the moments that will never be faded against time. You cannot fight your thoughts, you cannot fight life. But you can find ways to make it easier.
1. Perfection

a/n well this is just something that came up to me.. Hope you like it.. It's a view on Cho thoughts. Please review! disclaimer Well I own nothing.. it's all J.K. Rowling.  
  
On the outside I look calm, everything under control. They all think I have the perfect life: Loving parents, good grades, seeker on the ravenclaw quidditch team, many friends, good brains.., I'm popular, everything is good.. But beneath the surface I am not what I appear to be. Traditions bound me. Pressure to be perfect is always near. People who follow my ervery step lurking for a mistake. Certain expectations make me another person than I actually am.  
  
I'm leading people on with my appearance. I'm leading myself on.. For all the people out there I am perfect.. I am perfection itself, but they all forget that perfection doesn't exist. Because nobody is perfect.  
  
My life is boring. Perfection bores. And I already know, even though I'm just 17, how my life will be. I am Chinese and that means my life is already arranged from birth to death. Traditions bounds me to a fate I despise so much, but I do not have the strength to resist it.  
  
I will marry a man, who I do not love. I will give birth to his child.  
  
I will appear to be happy and contend with my life, though deep inside of me I will crave for something else.. something that intrigues me.. something that is not predictable.  
  
I wil cry when I lead my daughter into her marriage. I will be full of joy when my grandson is born. I will morn when my husband dies.  
  
I will do all of this, because it is expected of me and not because I want to.  
  
Finally I will die too. With only memories of me left behind, but soon they will forget me. Like I never have existed. For I am like perfection. I comes, it goes and it will be forgotten. Memories of me will fade away.. just like I did.  
  
I never asked to be perfect. But my opinion isn't ask.  
  
I will lead my life thinkin' how it could have been if I had rebelled against my family. If I had took his offer. Harry's offer. But I couldn't. I couldn't take his offer. I owe so much to my family. Call it guild if you want to.. And for another reason I am not strong enough to take the chance to break free. I will live forever in my prison thinkin' how it could have been and I will be contend with that.  
  
REVIEW PLEASE!! It took me a long time to pull through with putting it on ff.net my first fic. Be gentle please, but just review. 


	2. Unreachable

a/n hermione thoughts on her secret crush. r/r Disclaimer: I own nothing.. It all belongs to J.K. Rowling.. I wished I'd own them..  
  
Why? Why do I have to fall for someone like him? Why? I am supposed to hate him and not to love him. Yet.. He has something that draws me to him. His eyes.. yes.. those stormy grey eyes. Ever heard the saying: the eyes are the windows to your soul?? No.. ?well I have and It's true.. my god it's true. His eyes tells more than what he says. His eyes are deep. His soul is deep. A soul that none has noticed and never will be noticed too. A soul that is unreachable for everyone and that is a shame.  
  
I am drawed to him and I can't help it. I want to hate him. I want to hate him with every ounce in my body. But I can't. I just can't and I don't know why. He has never been nice to me. To him I'm just a girl and even better I'm a mudblood too. He makes fun of me. It makes me angry, but somehow that angry feeling never stays. I can't stay angry at him. I am weak because of that, because he can just walk over me and I let him.  
  
He's one of the most popular guys of Hogwarts and can you blame him? He's a dropdead gorgeous!! All the girls fancy him. And wenn I say all the girls.. I mean all the girls. He has dated many many girls and he dumped him as soon as they had slept together. He is womanizer. He cares for none.  
  
He's my best friend's archenemy. I can't betray my best friend, can I?? Loyalty is important, right? Because I know that Harry will never betray me for some girl, who is my enemy.  
  
He's a Slytherin and I.. I'm a Griffyndor. And that should do it, right? But it doesn't.. Not for me. I've learned that Griffyndors and Slytherins don't mix with eachother. We are eachothers opposites. But somehow I don't care about that.  
  
Oh God, Why does it have to be so complicated?? Why can't I just hate him. Why?? I have so many reasons why I can hate him. But I don't. I just can't hate him. It's so frustrating. I don't even care that he is a Slytherin. All I know is that I love him.Yes I know now for sure. I love Draco Malfoy and there is nothing I can do about it. But what I know is that I will never tell. Because I know that if Draco knows about it, he will just laugh. He doesn't want someone like me. He doesn't want a mudblood. Maybe in another lifetime. Yes in another lifetime. He's unreachable for me now.. But we will meet again in another lifetime and maybe then.. yes.. maybe then. 


	3. How things turned out to be

A/N: Okay this one is about. Pansy. Very minor Harry/Pansy. Now this is one couple you don't see often, but this isn't your fluffy fic. Just read and don't forget to review! Disclaimer: Again nothing is mine. It's all J.K.Rowling's.  
  
How things turned out to be  
  
Do you know the feeling when you see someone your heart starts to pounds and you don't know what to say to him? I'm sure you do. We all must have felt this sometimes. But why did I had to fall for the one that was forbidden to me.  
  
I saw him everyday. He sat in all of my classes and he still does. He didn't look at me. He didn't like me. He didn't care for me or so it seemed.  
  
He has a pretty girl friend. He has many friends. He has everything he wants. He is one of the most popular guys at school. He's seeker on the quidditch team. He is the archenemy of my husband to be. I was not supposed to like him. Better yet not to fall in love with him. But I did fall and he found out. And what seems, he liked me too at least I believed he did. I wanted to believe it, but I'm not sure if he does.  
  
He promised me he would leave his girl for me. But he had said that too many times and nothing had happened. I then knew for sure now he would never have left her. He played with me and I let him. He took my heart and stepped on it. All of that happened one year ago. I was in my fourth year then.  
  
No every time I see him, my heart turns bitter. I do not love him anymore; I hate him for what he has done to me. People hate me now you know. He is hates me. I told his girl he was cheating on her. So he told lies about me and of course they believed him. He's after all the boy who lived. They think I'm a slut, a whore, a bitch. There is nothing I could have done. I'm a Slytherin. I already had that reputation. Now it was even confirmed by nobody less than perfect Potter. They thought I was a bitch. Fine. So I showed them a bitch. Be careful what you wish for, right? You might get it and it won't be pretty then. I still have one year to go at this place. I turned to be Hogwarts resident bitch and I quite like it. So watch it.. My reign isn't over yet. If you're playing the bitch, better make it good then, right? 


	4. One sided love

A/n So here is my fourth chapter. It's about Narcissa and her words to Lucius. I wrote this story in the middle of the night. I always seem to get my inspiration at night. Quite terrible I must say. Haha Well enjoy this one. Review please. Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Rowling!!  
  
One sided love  
  
I can clearly remember what my father said to me: "Sometimes we must let go of our pride Narcissa and do what is requested of us." And I did. I let go of my pride and agreed to marry you. The day I saw you, I instantly fell for you. I started loving you the minute I laid my eyes on you. Hoping that you loved me too.  
  
We married. I loved you, but you didn't love me. To you I was just a pretty girl, married to you to give you an heir. I was foolish thinking that my love was enough for the both of us. I was wrong. It wasn't enough, but I found out too late. Like they said Love can make you blind. I never believed it and now I've experienced it. Love really can make you blind.  
  
The coming years with you were hard for me. I cried myself to sleep every night. I hoped that somebody would help me, but nobody was there. I was all alone. Soon I found out I was pregnant. I was so happy. I would have a child to raise. A child to cherish.  
  
Nine months later I bared the child. It was a boy. I had a son. We decided to name him Draco or should I say I named him Draco. You didn't care about him. The one thing you cared for that you had an heir to your family throne.  
  
Since my pregnancy you stopped visiting my bed and to be honest I didn't care about it. I had my son or so I thought. You took him away from me. You said he would be weak if I would raise him. I lost my son that day and he would never come back to me again. My precious son. Now I had nobody.  
  
I shield myself through the past years. Watching everything, every move. Every time I look at my son he reminds me of you. He has grown out to be the spitting image of you, though he has my eyes. Now Draco has turned his back on you, didn't he? He turned his back to you and your believes. Some how I'm happy to see that. I hope he will lead his own life and that maybe he and I will be like mother and son instead of stranger to stranger.  
  
But my dear lucius. I still love you. I never stopped loving you. Love makes you weak. I understand it now. How tragic, isn't it? Even though you have put me through hell my love for you has survived everything and yours.. yours was never there. 


	5. the dream or the reality

a/n Fifth chapter!! This one is from the perspective of Katie Bell. There is minor, very minor Lily/James, Lily/Severus, Katie/Marcus, Katie/Oliver, Hermione/Harry and Hermione/Draco. This may sound confusing, but just read and it all makes senses. Enjoy this chapter. Review! Disclaimer: and again.. blabablaba I don't own them blablabalbalabla All Rowling's  
  
The dream or the reality?  
  
I look out of my window. I see something that makes me smile yet it also makes me sad. This is the third generation that the curse has passed. Every generation it chooses two boys and one girl. To be precise one slytherin boy, one Gryffindor boy and one Gryffindor girl.  
  
It all started almost 16 years ago, with none other then James Potter, Lily Evans and Severus Snape. Two boys fell in love with the girl. Would she choose the popular, sweet Gryffindor or would she choose the Slytherin Bad boy? The one was a Dream and the other was Reality She craved for the Slytherin, the dream. She chose the Gryffindor, the reality. She couldn't be seen with a Slytherin. The houses were in war, even back then.  
  
The second time it happened was not that long ago. I should know. I was that particular girl. Two of Hogwarts finest boys fell for me. The one has been my friend for years and the other was my enemy from the start of first year. I didn't know what to do. I liked both of them. The one was my dream and the other would be my reality. I took the safest choice. I chose reality and I tried to forget my dream.  
  
Now it is happening again. As I look out of my window I see them: Hermione, Harry, and Draco. They are on the pitch. It's obvious that they both like her. She likes them too. She told me that. She didn't know who she should choose though. The one is her dream, while the other is more of reality. She really wants to choose her dream, but she doesn't want to hurt her friend. With time she will make a choice. If it's the good one nobody knows. It's just something what time will tell.  
  
Somewhere inside of me I hope she'll choose her dream and not what is more realistic. I was afraid to choose my dream and so was lily. We took the safest pad and chose for the reality. Somewhere I wanted to choose my dream, but I was afraid for the consequence of my choice. Don't get me wrong though. I love my reality; I really love Oliver, but somewhere deep down I just crave for Marcus, my dream. We all know dreams are not reality and this is no world to live in a dream, but sometimes there is nothing wrong with dreaming.  
  
This curse is one that causes pain and bliss all in the same time. I rethink it with mixed emotions, like many will do after me. 


	6. The girl who is forgotten

a/n 6th chapter! Ok this is Padma about her sister, life and what she wants to happen/ what she wants to do about it. Review people!!] disclaimer: Nothing is mine.. but that's obvious right??  
  
The girl who is forgotten  
  
I wanted to be like her. More outgoing. To be brave, but I'm not. I'm not all that. That's the reason why I'm in Ravenclaw and my sister in Gryffindor. I missed the most important characteristic to be a Gryffindor; I'm not all that brave nor am I that outgoing.  
  
She is always the apple of everyone's eye. The perfect little girl. She is outgoing, popular and everything I'm not. I'm the quiet one, the shy one. Our appearance is the same, but our personalities are like worlds apart from each other. She's the star, the centre of everything. I like to hide in corners, to be unnoticed yet somewhere inside I crave to be like her. Just for once. To be everything she is.  
  
I love my sister. Don't get me wrong, but sometimes when I'm standing besides her I feel so below her. She outshines me. Somewhere I don't want that. I want to shine too. I can't blame her. She doesn't know she makes me feel like that. That I'm jealous of her.  
  
We promised each other not to forget each other if we were in different houses. That we still would be the best of friends. I never forget that promise we made before our first year. I don't know if she forgot it, I certainly didn't. We don't hang around another that much anymore. I believe that our promise has been broken.  
  
She's with lavender now. They are always together. I am forgotten now. My classmates don't even know me. If they even speak to me, they say your name. They don't know mine. If they talk about me it's always parvati's sister. Do you know that hurts? It really does.  
  
But it's over now. I will not let myself be forgotten anymore. I will make a name for myself. They won't overlook me anymore. I won't let them. I will be brave and I will be everything I want to be. No longer will I be that quiet girl. The shy one. I swear it. Before this year ends they will notice me. Really notice me. Not because I'm parvati's sister, but because I'm Padma.. I won't be forgotten. Not anymore at least. I won't hide anymore, not for no one. I refuse it. 


	7. Hate

7th chapter!! I got back some inspiration! Read people and tell me what you think!! This one is about Ginny!! Have fun reading!  
  
Hate  
  
So what is wrong with me? I lost my heart to a boy, but he never noticed me. To him I'm just his best friend's lil'sister.  
  
I had Tom. My wonderful Tom. I lost him too due to the one I loved, now hated.  
  
I thought I would have a sister with Hermione. How wrong I was. Even to her I was just her best friend's lil'sister. God how I hate her, I hate that she has Harry's love, Draco's love, Ron's love. Everybody loves her. The stupid mudblood.  
  
I thought that my parents would love me more than anything, but to them I was just one more child. Yeah finally they had a daughter, but they had to divide their attention to the boys. Once again I was forgotten.  
  
I had brothers. I loved them.. If they have loved me was another question. Bill and Charlie were always away. Percy was being the stuck up in the 'I- am-better-than-you' mode. Fred and George only needed me for their pranks and Ron.. Ron just forgot that I lived. It was always quidditch, Harry, Hermione, but never me. I was left out.  
  
Then finally I thought I found love. Love in the person of Draco Malfoy. I was wrong. He used me to get to the d*mn mudblood.  
  
I never had love in my life. Everything is taken away from me. Guess that love is just a state of mind. We just want it, but we can't get it. Our at least I can't. Although I hate them so much, still it's nothing compared how I hate myself. I'm worthless. Why should they care about me, right? I'm just a girl. A Weasley girl, poor and ugly. I'm not smart, not cunning, not loyal, nor am I that brave. What will become of me? Somebody please help me!! I'm so filled with hatred, hatred that I don't want to have. Somebody help me! I feel like I'm standing in a room screaming at the top of my longs, while no one is hearing me. But I will scream, hoping that there is someone who will hear me and will come to save me. 


	8. Carpe Diem

A/N ok here's another one. I really got lovely reviews for my other ones. Thank you for reading this. So this one is about Blaise zabini. I've always been fascinated by her. So I wrote this for her. Don't know if it's that good, but you tell me. Is it crap or not? Sorry for the gramma mistakes or spelling. I'll try to improve. =D well enjoy this piece and review.  
  
Disclaimer: you know it. You know it. Nothing is mine all JK Rowling.. yadiayadi and so on.  
  
Carpe Diem  
  
I'm sitting here on the train. Going back home. Another year has ended and I look back with no remorse on it. Yet I feel sad. Because this was not just another year going home and then returning. This time there is no returning. Seven years of Hogwarts have left me incredible memories. Now me and my friends must set our foots in the real world. No more protection, no more help, just us. I wonder how it'll be. I feel excited about it, but also scared. What will happen and will our friendship last with war coming again.  
  
Dumbledore is trying to creating his army once again. He's recruiting members for the order of the phoenix. They've been doing this for quite a few years now and the order is getting bigger and bigger. Since it's known that Lord Voldemort is back people are in fear. And yes I am not afraid to say his name. I do not fear. Maybe I should, but I just am not.  
  
My years of Hogwarts just went by and somehow I was never part of my year. I was and still am the outsider. Of course I had my friends, but to say that people know me, that's a little too strong. I had a reputation, then again all Slytherin have one.  
  
I dated, not that I'm a player or something or a slut, but to be honest I've had a lot of boys. Not that we have sex or anything, but we just well dated. You could say I'm the average teen witch. My grades weren't bad, but they weren't the best too. But I didn't need to the best. I just needed to get the grades I wanted. To get the career that I wanted.  
  
In my fifth year I discovered that my dear head of the house, deatheater, teacher, lover was and still is a spy for Dumbledore. I didn't understand then and I cut all ties between us. Acting calm and cool with him around, while my heart was questioning every move he made. Like I said I didn't understand then, now I do. He's fighting for a greater cause. It made me think of my life and how I should live life. In my seventh year my parents made me join the ranks of Lord Voldemort and I did, but what they didn't know was that I became a spy too for the order. Nobody knows actually, not even my friends, nobody just Dumbledore. I wonder how my life will be. How I'm going to manage this secret. I've already lost so much, but I've gained more than I expected too. I know now how life can be. It's pleasant, though it can be hard as hell.  
  
But like I said I'm sitting here with my future in front of me and I'm thinking about my past. What's wrong with this picture? I can tell you about it: I'm not living my present, I never did. Always looking to the future or reminiscing the past. But I won't anymore. From now I'll live my present and let the future just come and my past is behind and looking back on it will get me nowhere. Carpe Diem, seize the day. 


	9. Life got cold

A/n sorry for not updating so long. I just didn't had the time. So sorry. I'll try to do it more. This one is for Bellatrix. Tell me if it's good or not. Sorry for the gramma mistakes or the spelling mistakes. This piece is inspired by a song of girls aloud. I don't like them that much, but this song kept on going in my mind. Life got cold. ;) Oh and it's a spoiler if you haven't read book 5 yet!! Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Don't sue!!  
  
~My life got cold  
  
It happened many years ago  
  
When summer slipped away  
  
So chill now oh  
  
We've got many years to go  
  
So take it day by day  
  
And on the go  
  
I lost my soul  
  
To some forgotten dream and  
  
How was I supposed to know  
  
It wasn't what it seemed  
  
And even though the last to low  
  
Has left me on the floor  
  
I don't believe in Romeos or heroes anymore~ (life got cold by girls aloud)  
  
It used to be so damn easy. It used to be perfect. But she had to go; she had to marry a muggle. She had to betray our family line. There goes our perfect family. We had it so good. Our parents always had the best for us. They wanted a son, they got three girls. But never did they show that they didn't love us, because we were girls. They raised us with honour, tradition and pride. Narcissa showed her loyalty by marrying Lucius, I did it by bounding my fate to My lord and the family Lestrange.. But you, you had to go with a muggle. Didn't mum and dad learn you nothing? Did you forget our believes? Wasn't life good enough for you in our circles? Did life get cold for you, that you turned against us?  
  
My sweet cousin... I should dance on your grave. Finally you got what you deserved. And to think about it, you died at my hands. It feels so good, but yet so bad. You've always been a disgrace for the family Black. Our noble house. A shame for your parents and dear little brother. But to think about it, your brother was even worse than you. He was a pathetic excuse for a Black; even you were better than him. And that says a lot. Shame, you could have been so good. When you were young, you were so sweet. So perfect for the family, but since Hogwarts, since Potter, you changed form my favourite cousin to a disgrace, an imperfection that can not be showed to the world, to society. And now my cousin, you are gone and I should feel happy. But I realize that you were the only one left that could have passed on the family name. I have wiped the imperfection from the Blacks, but I've also end the black dynasty. The once so ancient and noble house of black is gone.  
  
I've witness dead, I've witness despair, I've been to Azkaban. I do not fear death. I've been through a lot, I've seen a lot. My heart turned cold long ago when summer slipped away from me. I don't believe in heroes or in Romeos anymore. I used too though. But hearts can turn cold if it doesn't get the love it needs. Life can get cold.  
  
Do you know the feeling of anxiety? Do you know coldness? Has someone ever wondered why I didn't turn demented in Azkaban? Suppose not, who cares for Bellatrix black Lestrange. They only see what I let them see. They don't know me. Father and mother would be proud of me if they were still alive. I'm better than my sisters. I've always been, but no one ever noticed. I've always put family first. Even is it wasn't what I wanted. Narcissa was not like that. She was just daddy's little girl. Daddy would have given her everything and she would have done everything he asked her to do. Andromeda was mother's favourite. She got spoiled and she turned her back on all of us. I was the eldest and they all believed that I could manage on my own. I never got the love of both parents, nor from my sisters. I never had love. And life got cold for me soon. That's why I didn't turn demented. I never felt happiness before.  
  
Now I'm out. I'm back. And the world will bow for me again. Life got cold for me a long time ago. I don't care for sympathy. I just want power and with the rise of my lord I will get what I deserve for so long ago. 


	10. The world is with us

A/N Don't ask just read. It'll be obvious who are the stars of the story. It's a bit dark and gloomy. A bit unpredictable. Well read and review!  
  
Raven hair, dark brown eyes. Mischievous grin, bad boy to the core. Arrogant, confident, pranker. He was what she wanted, he was not a dream, he exists and the more she saw him, the more she fell for him.  
  
Fiery red hair, emerald green eyes. Elegant smile, sweet in the sense of sugar. Popular, beautiful, clever. She was what he wanted, she was not a dream, she exist and the more he saw her, the more he fell for her.  
  
They were two people, they were one unit. They died young, they exist in dreams. Their story will be remembered, their youth and love will be immortal. They feed the world with their smiles. They saw the truth in each other eyes.  
  
Fights and arguments in the cold thin air. A borne son, with raven hair and emerald eyes. Innocent, but within hides a hero. A reflection of the past, a possible future hidden in his soul. The product of love and power. A danger to enemies, a friend to many.  
  
They lived in a danger world, where prejudice roamed and people were frightened. They stayed under the protective wings of the phoenix, given a proper education, making them stronger and combined they were unstoppable. The bad wanted them dead and they got chased by danger. It didn't stop them, it fed them.  
  
It ended on a dark cloudy night. The word got around and the hunt began. They were caught, due to betrayal. They didn't live that night to see day. They knew what was coming and they would face it. Their life ended like it should, heroic. Their son got away and the hero is unleashed.  
  
The traitor got away, but the good will prevail and no matter how long it'll take. The traitor's doom is set. Friends will take revenge. Tradition is around. Apologies won't be accepted. Somewhere the circle will end.  
  
Two people, with the love within. Two people, combined through fate. Two people, who were my friends. They died for truth, honour and pride. I am here to watch, who I am, doesn't matter. I know them and that's enough. 


End file.
